Times are tough, but are they "$2,000 to infest your house with cockroaches" tough?

Anyone down with $2K for a 30-day pest control trial and lifetime of nightmares?

By Andrew Paul | June 14, 2022 | 4:45pm

Aux Features Cockroach

Someone make sure this woman knows. Photo: Andy Lyons

Pretty much everyone is hurting right now. Prices are up, wages are stagnant, and somehow, someway… we apparently can’t trust the digital currency infrastructure that attracts parody rap grifters and this friggin’ guy. It’s rough out there, for sure… but are they “Here’s $2,000 to set 100 cockroaches loose in your home for an entire month” rough?

The North Carolina-based bug control specialists at The Pest Informer think so, apparently. According to a local news report out of Raleigh, a group of exterminators are offering up the creepy-crawly cash for 5-7 households willing to bunk alongside the insects for 30 days while they try out a new pest control technique.

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There are, of course, a few stipulations: You need to either own the home yourself or have the owner’s consent (understandable), and despite the horrors, you can’t try out any other roach-killing solutions during the test. Also, you gotta be least 21 years old—presumably because you’ll need a helluva lot of alcohol to endure the whole thing.

If, for some cursed reason, The Pest Informer’s new treatment doesn’t work, the company pledges to rid you of the hell of your making using more traditional methods at the end of your disgusting, demoralizing month.

Now, hold on a moment. Before you stop us by saying, “Well, perhaps I’d consider it, but I live nowhere near Raleigh, North Carolina. Therefore, thankfully, I will not be forced by capitalism’s crushing pressures to consider prostituting myself for pest control,” take heart! We are told that you can reside anywhere in the continental United States and still participate—implying that The Pest Informer’s $2,000 compensation is wholly separate to the postage required to ship a boxful of cockroaches to your doorstep.

We’ll leave you the sign-up form right here while you ponder your newfound hygienic, fiscal dilemma.

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