The various Jurassic _____ films fulfill a deep-seated and universal human desire that we all share on some level or another: The urge to be messily devoured by dinosaurs, gigantic reptile teeth rending our bodies with prehistoric fury. So it’s something of an affront to learn that the films’ producers are planning a global arena tour for the franchise, and all it’s going to have is a bunch of animatronic dinosaurs for people to look at from the safety of their unmasticated seats.
Entertainment Weekly reports that the Jurassic World Arena Tour is scheduled to kick off late next year, presumably still trucking on the assumed popularity of this June’s Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. The show is being put together by Universal and Feld Entertainment, the same company that also runs Disney On Ice and Marvel Universe Live, and promises “a herd of life-size dinosaurs (some as long as 40 feet) and projection mapping designed to transport fans to Isla Nublar,” and, apparently, absolutely no willingness to let a few dinos break loose and chomp on people, even though that’s the whole point of the gosh-dang films.