Britney Spears' Comeback Trail Paved In Bleeps, Mirrors, Utterances of the word "bitch"

It's the slowest day of the year, the Friday before Labor Day weekend, and you're still at work. No doubt your head is swimming with questions like: "Why am I in the office?" "Am I the only person working today?" "When can I leave?" And, of course, "Will former pop star Britney Spears, of TMZ.com alert fame, ever make a comeback, and, if so, what will it be like?"

Thankfully, the NY Daily News has answered that last question for us. Apparently, Britney Spears' comeback will be an awful lot like wondering into a funhouse hall of mirrors in the middle of an electronic thunderstorm while dancers are rehearsing a MindFreak-esque version of Peter Pan:

Featuring Brit's breathy vocals and a club-friendly beat, "Gimme More" made its official debut last night on radio station Z100's Web site and was also leaked to other sites.

The paparazzi magnet plans to appear Sept. 9 on the MTV Video Music Awards, where "Mindfreak" magician Criss Angel will use his best illusions to try to conjure up a comeback for her.

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Angel will guide Spears in and out of a series of mirrors, making it seem as though she vanishes and then reappears several times, a source told the Daily News yesterday.

Other dancers in the complicated number are being called upon to harness up for simulated flight, the source said.

Not only that, but Spears isn't afraid to put down the electric razor and umbrella of rage and attempt to shock us with some naughty words:

The new dance track meant to resurrect the pop tart's stale career is out, and it begins with a defiant declaration: "It's Britney, b—-h."

Oooh. I guess a pop star saying "bitch" would be considered defiant, if, you know, said pop star's past displays of defiance weren't so colorful and well-documented. At this point it would be a lot more defiant for Spears to do a concept album of Enya covers, or create a Chris Gaines-ish alterego, or wear a Mandy Moore mask (woven from sheer earnestness) in public, than to say "bitch" on a club track.

So what does all of this sound like? Here you go. Just beware: clicking play will release a series of bleeps, robot breaths, and Britney's whines for more that will drone endlessly in the back of your head for at least the next three days. Good luck, and happy Labor Day weekend!