Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Get Ready For The Curl D'Etat

In this election year, a revolution is brewing. Finally, we as a society, as a nation, as people, can confront our prejudices and shatter our long-held stereotypes, and together open the door to a bright future. The culture is beginning to shift and an historically down-trodden minority has, for the first time in decades, been given a new hope. I'm talking, of course, about curly-haired women, and the long-awaited Curl D' Etat.

From the NY Observer:

Curly hair guru and author Lorraine Massey, founder and co-owner of Devachan Salon & Departure Lounge, preaches to the naturally curly to try and embrace their ringlets rather than quell them. "This whole pathetic straightening religion … it's modern-day slavery," said Ms. Massey, who is a passionate believer in her cause. "Everyone is trying to hide from their heritage–it's anthropological. It goes very deep."


Straight hair being temporarily fashionable is exactly like modern-day slavery. That's a totally reasonable metaphor. It's like African-Americans who were bartered and sold as goods and who had no control over their lives or well-being are the curls, and the plantations and slave-owners are the harsh straightening irons meant to steam and pull and smooth them into submission. When she tires of the "curly hair guru" lifestyle, Lorraine Massey should write American history textbooks that put everything in concise, easy-to-understand hair terms.

But you know what else our disgusting straight-ist society is like? Drug addiction.

Shari Harbinger, the director of education for Devachan, agreed: "Hollywood is reacting but Hollywood is also enabling this vicious cycle. Lorraine and I often refer to the drug addict and the drug dealer scenario."

You might think that a salon having a "director of education" is a little pretentious, not to mention asinine. But look at what a good job she's doing of educating us on the Curly-haired girls vs. Straightist Hollywood agenda battle! See, it's like slavery and addiction, and probably global warming and the Hindenberg disaster, and anything else hideous and awful that has occurred within the last 400 years or so.

But what is the Straightist Hollywood Agenda? Which terrible curly-haired stereotypes does it lazily fall back on again and again in movie after movie?

And besides, since when does having curly hair make one earthy? Neither have we found in our unscientific gatherings that curly hair necessarily translates to being unconcerned about one's appearance, or more romantic, wild, creative, or crazy and lusty. (Oh, Glenn Close, your fine performance in 1987's Fatal Attraction set back more than the 30-something single woman. Did you think about us naturally curly girls?)

So Hollywood portrays curly-haired women as earthy, easygoing, romantic, wild, creative, and lusty people. How dare they! The curly-tressed crazy woman is a type, I guess (blame Medusa), but only if you have an insane, short-sighted focus on curly-hair to begin with.

Image for article titled Get Ready For The Curl D'Etat

For every Glenn Close in

Fatal Attraction, there's a Jennifer Jason Leigh (no curls) in Single White Female, or a Rebecca DeMornay (straight hair, with improbable bangs) in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, or an Alicia Silverstone (not even wavy) in The Crush. Crazies aren't even "curlies" most of the time.

But there is hope. Change is wafting through the air, gently blowing proudly curly tresses and pin-straight locks alike:

"Hollywood will embrace this truth when the people that are behind it get it and then do what they can to reeducate the union stylists and designers," said Devachan's Ms. Harbinger. "This is something that we at Deva want to get involved with. It's almost like the Democratic convention. We have to first undo years of lies, and then reeducate, motivate and guide them to the truth. The truth is that curlies can have 'neat' and refined curls if the people who tend to them know what they are doing. And this will in fact significantly change the perception from a false belief to a new understanding of the beauty of curly hair."


Amen. Next on the insignificant, and totally non-existent hair-related injustices worth tackling list: Where are the roles for slightly-wavy-haired actresses?