Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Isabella Rossellini Teaches Bug Sex Ed

In my 8th grade Biology class, we had to breed fruit flies with different eye colors for some kind of experiment about genetics. It was not very exciting. I don't remember much about it except how difficult it was to stare into jars teeming with tiny bugs and accurately count the number of red-eyed ones. Of course, had my teacher gone the extra mile and rented some giant fruit fly costumes in order to graphically pantomime the fruit fly sex act in front of the class, I'd probably remember everything there is to know about fruit fly reproduction–but then my teacher was no Isabella Rossellini, whose enthusiasm for weird bug costumes, insect humping, and hilarious entomology-related pornography knows no bounds.

Isabella Rossellini is now not just your de facto hero, she's also the perviest amateur entomologist you know who also starred in Death Becomes Her. (Bruce Willis, with those rumors of his depraved bee-keeping is the second most pervy, while Goldie Hawn's noted collection of earthworms in skimpy bikinis earns her the third most pervy spot.)

You can watch all of the Green Porno shorts here, and I highly recommend that you do. But be warned: after watching Green Porno, the buzzing of bees starts to sound less like humming and more like Isabella Rossellini yelling, "My penis would break off!"


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