Remember when Tom Cruise was a movie star and not some weirdo who leads his wife around in a two-hand grip like an arresting officer sternly walking a suspect to a waiting squad car?
No? Well, Tom Cruise does. And he wants you to remember that Tom Cruise used to be a movie star first, crazy second. So today he launched TomCruise.com, a personal Internet shrine to himself and his movie career complete with movie trailers, a "25 years of my life in film" montage that feels about 25 minutes long, and a photo gallery that might as well be called "Tom Cruise: Portraits Of Intensity (With Eyebrows)."
Because, truly, nothing says "I'm a movie star, dammit" better than vast displays of narcissism set to bombastic music.
Still, despite appearances, TomCruise.com isn't about Tom Cruise. It's about you, dear reader.
From the Message From Tom:
It is almost impossible for me to believe that I am celebrating the 25th anniversary of the release of Risky Business, my first starring role in a film. In celebration of this occasion, and my 27 years of making movies, I created this site as a thank you, to you, for sharing the journey with me and to invite you to continue to explore what the future will bring.
This is for you. Enjoy!
I think he meant, "It is almost Mission Impossible 1-3 for me to believe…" but still, isn't this nice of Tom Cruise? To make a website about Tom Cruise: Movie Star, so that we can remember him in a positive way, back when the craziest thing he did was star in a Ron Howard epic about Irish immigrants that involved wearing a ceramic bowl over his genitals for an entire scene? Just think about the sacrifices he has made to produce this website for us, all of us, to enjoy. He's basically Jesus—or whatever the Scientology spaceship equivalent of Jesus is.