By the time Jay Mohr went on stage last night at the People's Choice Awards to accept the first and last ever award of any kind (God willing) for Gary Unmarried, I had been tuning the show out for at least two hours. So when he said, "not even the rain has such small hands, baby girl" and the camera cut to a teary-eyed, fish-lipped Nikki Cox, naturally I thought I had just fallen asleep, and my brain had suddenly kickstarted a particularly awful night terror. Jay Mohr quoting e.e. cummings, possibly via Woody Allen's Hannah & Her Sisters, to Nikki Cox while accepting a People's Choice Award for a sub-Two And A Half Men sitcom? That just doesn't happen. But then I read this, and found this clip on YouTube as confirmation.

Prepare yourselves:


So either CBS is in the habit of broadcasting a direct feed of my night terrors (which explains the existence of David Caruso), Jay Mohr gets all of his seduction tips from Woody Allen movies (Smoooooth), or Jay Mohr reads e.e. cummings. I'm leaning toward the Woody Allen theory, because if he were a true e.e. cummings fan, he would have gone with, "You're my goat-footed balloonman, baby girl! I love you, with a lowercase "i"!"