Compared to previous outings, the stakes have become far more grounded this final season of The Righteous Gemstones. Sure, there is still plenty of BJ mouth kissing a monkey, but the show’s action-movie aesthetics has been replaced with personal and emotional excavation to discover what these characters want and care about. Formerly, that would be accomplished by injuring or kidnapping a character. This season emphasizes finding solutions that don’t require firebombings because roundtable discussions are the most dangerous enemies.
Nevertheless, God always has the Gemstones back regardless of what’s happening in the family. It’s no surprise that the Gemstones still claim belief in God. What reason would they have not to? Despite their flagrant disregard for His word, the Gemstones continue to thrive because God has seemingly protected them. A team of assassins can be defeated by a bigger team of assassins; a militia overtaking the church can be dispelled with a horde of locusts. Season four isn’t letting them off so easily. They’re dealing with things money can help but can’t solve, like a child’s respect, a disabled husband, or one’s sense of self-worth.
Since the opening “Prelude,” season four has seen the characters tiptoeing, apprehensively, toward dropping some of their defenses and allowing themselves to connect. Whether Elijah Gemstones found God and became an honest preacher is irrelevant. What matters is that he learned how to communicate with his ministry through empathy. By understanding and acknowledging his position over his flock, he could comfort them effectively, regardless of his beliefs. Kelvin undergoes a similar trial, albeit with increased heavenly wish fulfillment. Even by Gemstones’ standards, it’s hard to believe that the Top Christ Following Man Of The Year voting body would go for Kelvin a week after praising Vance. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
The episode opens on a suitably ominous note, with another stuffed gator head welcoming us to Casa De Cobb. It’s a bleak place where Cobb trains for his ongoing attempts to control Lori and force his way back into her life. Cobb is tickled pink when she confronts him at home, just in time to see him working out with his shirt off. Lori is understandably pissed and believes Cobb blew up Eli’s car, adding to a history of screwing up her relationships. Her anger with Cobb more or less dispels any lingering belief that she is a Black Widow, though it’s a little hard to see Cobb doctoring the escort ad that would break her and Eli up. With Michael Rooker adopting a stare akin to his performance from Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer, the scene cuts to the opening title on a sour note, one that will play throughout much of the episode.
First up, Jesse catches Pontius skateboarding and inhaling Dust-Off on church grounds, forcing the eldest to admit his little bro was right: His kids don’t respect him. But he’s not the only one feeling all Rodney Dangerfield. Judy gets no respect either. Complaining to BJ about Dr. Watson’s mean-mugging, she admits that the monkey gets all the credit for BJ’s care, and BJ triggers her jealousy beyond comprehension when he starts smooching Watson. Still, Judy likely prefers a monkey-kissing husband to what Kelvin’s going through. Following the roundtable fiasco, Kelvin hides in his treehouse, pulling up the ladders and nets so no one can enter.
The downstream effects of this family-wide depression are felt immediately, particularly on the set of Teenjus, where their sweet, old uncle Baby Bill has to do everything himself. Shunting off “babysitting” duties to take on the title role of teen Jesus after he fires his cornrowed lead, Billy knows God doesn’t always have his back and that this money will dry up, as it has repeatedly throughout the show’s run. But Tiffany verbalizes the essence of their problems: Everything is more important than family. Though they’re only given one short scene an episode, Tiffany and Baby Billy have added so much sweetness to the season, finding a more realistic relationship, which sounds crazy because it is anchored by a man named “Baby Billy” who makes his wife wash every time she farts. But a megachurch divided cannot stand, and Baby Billy takes it upon himself to force the Gemstones back together. In need of a $2-million windfall and an eight-ball of coke, Baby Billy heads to the Gemstone chambers to convince the family to start acting like one.
Director Jonathan Watson allows these conflicts to echo throughout the episode, like when Amber points out that Jesse’s issues with Kelvin aren’t so different from Gideon and Pontius. In confronting and reconciling with their far wittier, younger sibling, father and son do what Elijah did more than 150 years prior: They empathize with the person they’re trying to help and meet them on their level. For Gideon, that means letting Pontius know he can still shred. For Jesse, it means acknowledging his brother’s pain and expressing his concern. BJ, too, cuts through Judy’s jealous nonsense and zeroes in on Kelvin as the cause for her outbursts. Jesse eventually runs into Judy at Kelvin’s house, where they plan on convincing him to return to the Top Christ Following Man competition. Circumventing the lack of ladders, Jesse and Judy fly their jetpacks to Kelvin’s room, calling on him to use his biting wit and God-given rip talents to tear Vance a new one. Kelvin does something very different.
For a show about preachers, there’s very little shop talk. Even at the Cape & Pistol, the discussion tends to rely on whether or not Kelvin Gemstone has the nards to face Vance. Season four has rejiggered this dynamic through Gideon’s preacher journey, which forces Jesse to drop some knowledge on a subject he knows very well. He might have blown up a church a few episodes ago, but Jesse knows how to preach and has the money to prove it. No wonder God loves this family. Look at how many new followers they have brought in. In the first episode alone, they baptized 5,000 people. But when Jesse watches Gideon, Danny McBride gives the sense that he knows what Gideon is doing wrong and exactly how to fix it. His voice is his instrument, so it’s no surprise that his half-time pep talk for Kelvin works. Little bro returns for the Top Christ Following Man testimonies, camera-ready, so he can jockey for the center seat.
Dressed like a disco ball, Kelvin differentiates himself from the other competitors by being honest. He doesn’t do rips. He doesn’t do his shitty little eye-roll thing. He gets up there and explains his journey as broadly and warmly as possible. This isn’t his Yasified PRISM. Instead, Kelvin acts more human in this scene than he’s maybe ever acted, reaching into himself and pulling out Kelvin Gemstone, admitting publicly that he is a gay Top Christ Following Man. Kelvin drops the mic and walks off. It’s a triumphant note to end the episode on, one that’s hard to judge without seeing the final two episodes. It’s also hard to imagine this win not having a horrible effect on Kelvin. It’s an exciting, life-changing, and potentially redemptive achievement, but it depends on what Kelvin will do with the distinction. The Gemstones have done a lot of bad in their day, but the big guy hasn’t abandoned them yet. God still has their backs.
Stray observations
- • Sunday School: Tonight’s episode title, “For Jealousy Is The Rage Of A Man,” comes from Proverbs 6:34 of the King James Bible. Sure, this probably refers to Cobb’s jealousy of Eli, but we’ll go ahead and assert that it’s about Judy and Dr. Watson. It’s not a competition? “Tell that to that little fuck face; he’s trying to mad dog me right now. I see you, eyeballing me, like a jealous bitch with no tits.”
- • The intercutting of Dr. Watson kissing BJ and Judy’s reaction was probably the funniest part of the episode. Edi Patterson’s delivery of “Oh, for real?” was perfect.
- • Michael Rooker slips into the show so smoothly. This guy belongs in Danny McBride comedies.
- • Baby Billy’s reasoning for taking on Teenjus: “You’re not really the Devil, dingaling. It’s called acting, dear boy, and it’s a cinch.”
- • Jesse Gemstone, America’s dad: “Those are nice penny loafers. Cut your balls, how about that, jam into your friends’ mouths. Fucking dickheads. God damn it, I hate Pontius so much. Kelvin’s right. My kids think I’m a joke.”
- • “I’m fairly certain his love language is physical touch, so it’s important to make sure he gets wots of wob.”
- • “My grandfather always said, ‘Keep your sermons simple.’ I don’t know why I didn’t listen to him.”
- • I’m not big on predictions, but I sincerely believe that Big Gus is going to eat Cobb by the end of the season.
- • I wonder if Pontius’ skate song, “Suck My Dick,” is by the same artist who recorded BJ’s Sandlot-inspired pole-dancing jam.
- • Though I’m mixed on the ending, Adam DeVine crushed his monologue, making the climax uncertain and cathartic.
