There’s so much to see in this world. The natural splendor of Yosemite. The human-made wonder of the Colosseum. You can even just go see the Mona Lisa if you’re so inclined. But seeing as it’s late on Monday night, you’ve got work in the morning, and you just poured another bowl of cereal (your third of the day—OK, I’m projecting), you might as well just fucking watch the teaser for The D’Amelio Show. The show follows the terminally creepy family of TikTokers, who pretend that they’re just like you even though they live in the Parasite house. More importantly, The D’Amelio Show gives everyone who thought that they could live their life without having to figure out who the D’Amelios were a chance to put off calling loved ones and enjoy a heaping helping of the so-called “first family of TikTok.”
The inevitable reality show based around one family’s quest to monetize their daughter’s social media dance numbers and Dunkin’ Donuts drinks is coming to Hulu. Charli, of course, is the Kids’ Choice Award winner and one of the most-followed people on TikTok, which essentially makes her one of the most famous people on Earth, despite you having only a vague idea of who she is. Luckily, we can all gaze blankly at the trailer as we watch the moments of our lives fade into the recent past and wonder how we ever got so old.
But the show doesn’t just stop at Charli and her protective sister Dixie. The D’Amelio Show will also (FINALLY) make stars out of their parents, former model Heidi and failed Republican Connecticut Senate candidate Marc, who turned to leeching off their kid’s fame after discovering how lucrative upper-body dancing was.
Whatever. It’s only 60 seconds. We’d probably just waste it anyway. Might as well just indulge Heidi’s insistence that “being normal kids doesn’t change with a following” and Charli telling us that she still has to make her bed just like the rest of us. God, there’s only so much time left. What are we even doing here?