As far as “social statuses that everybody hates you for having” go, being a billionaire seems like a pretty plum gig. First, obviously, there’s all that happiness you’ve already bought, which we’re sure, from looking at pictures of various billion-boys and their wan, sallow faces, must be some really potent stuff. And, hey, if you ever get tired of being widely loathed by everyone around you for hoarding the vast majority of the planet’s wealth, it’s a ridiculously easy condition to cure. Just ask (non-billionaire) Billie Eilish, who got up at an awards show last night, announced that she was giving 11.5 million of her non-billion amount of dollars to charity, and then reminded various billionaires in the crowd that it really is that gosh dang simple.
This is per People, reporting that Eilish was accepting an award at the Wall Street Journal‘s Innovator Awards—which at least sounds like an awards show specifically created so that very rich business types could meet their pop culture heroes without having to add a celebrity wing on to their personal people zoos—when she made her pronouncement. Introduced by host Stephen Colbert (who was pleased as all get out to announce that the Grammy winner was donating more than $10 million in proceeds from her Hit Me Hard And Soft tour to “support organizations, projects and voices dedicated to food equity, climate justice, reducing carbon pollution and combating the climate crisis”), Eilish laid it out in typically straightforward terms. “Love you all,” she told the crowd, which notably included Facebook billion-guy Mark Zuckerberg. “But there’s a few people in here that have a lot more money than me. If you’re a billionaire, why are you a billionaire? No hate, but yeah, give your money away, shorties.”
Several observers were quick to note that Zuckerberg did not clap along with the rest of the room after Eilish’s incredibly gentle jab percolated through the audience. (It’s possible he was wondering why it’s undeniably kind of cool that the 23-year-old superstar attended the event with her mom as her date, while he would have been roasted to shreds for the same move.) In any case—and as far as we know—exactly zero billionaires have taken since the seemingly very easy step of donating their way out of being the Earth’s Most Hated Class Of People after Eilish addressed her “shorties.” So it’s possible she just needs to keep making quietly brutal awards show speeches until the message sinks in.
