Inventory: 14 movie business cards that make you say "Ooh, very nice"
Try not to sweat like Patrick Bateman when ogling the font, color, and material.
Photo: Lionsgate
Business cards are serious business—it’s right there in the name. A true professional needs to have a 3.5″ by 2″ card with their details on it, ready to hand out when it’s time to impress. Movie characters are not exempt from networking.
American Psycho, which celebrates its 25th anniversary this week, is the ultimate cinematic business card showcase. Christian Bale’s Patrick Bateman—an investment banker in 1980s New York City who is even more psychotic than the average Wall Street yuppie—and his coworkers are killing time in a conference room when they start getting into a dick-measuring/card-comparing contest. Although the cards all look essentially identical (and indeed every one of these employees has the same job title at Pierce & Pierce), everybody is wowed by imperceptible differences between paper colors like “bone,” “eggshell,” and “subtle off-white.” Bateman is so overwhelmed by Paul Allen’s (Jared Leto) watermark that he starts to have a conniption.
Of course, not every movie business card would get Bateman sweating. Audiences don’t get a good look at the cards that Paul Newman‘s down-on-his-luck lawyer is handing out to grieving families when he’s ambulance-chasing at the start of The Verdict, but maybe if he had a card with lettering in Silian Rail, bereaved family members would’ve taken him seriously instead of kicking him out.
Here are 14 big-screen business cards that are worthy of Patrick Bateman’s time.
Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
Source: Warner Bros.
This ’90s comedy might not have aged especially well, but Ace Ventura’s business card, prominently featured on the poster, sure has. Bright primary colors and a little caricature of his face that somehow makes Jim Carrey look less like a cartoon grab any would-be client’s attention. Without being bland, the business cards suggest a level of professionalism that Ace Ventura doesn’t have, but at least the pet detective gets results.
The Devil, Bedazzled (2000)
Source: 20th Century Fox
In both the 1967 British comedy and the 2000 Brendan Fraser-starring remake, the Devil reaches out to a hapless guy in the hopes of him selling his soul in exchange for seven wishes—all of which come with a devilishly ironic and unwanted twist, of course. At first, the would-be damned client doesn’t believe that they’re dealing with the real Prince of Darkness, prompting the Horned One to pull out their card. Viewers don’t get a clear look at Peter Cook’s card in the original, but Elizabeth Hurley’s in the remake is hellishly simple: just the words “The Devil” written in a nice type on what looks like high-quality paper. The card alone isn’t enough to convince the target that they’re dealing with the real Lucifer, but it’s a promising first impression.
The Joker, The Dark Knight (2008)
First impressions are essential when making a business deal, and the Joker’s magic trick certainly made an impression on that mobster’s brain during the Clown Prince Of Crime’s meeting with the heads of Gotham’s underworld. After the impression is made, one needs to follow it up with next steps, and the Joker (Heath Ledger) does that by leaving them “his card,” which of course is nothing more than a joker from a deck of playing cards. Sure, it’s a little light on things like “contact information,” but the branding is incredibly strong.
Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)
There’s a bespoke, artisanal quality to the cards for the Paper Street Soap Co. that Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) hands out, with the somewhat Art Nouveau illustration and promises that the soaps are “all-natural” and “handmade” suggesting the buyer is in for a quality product. Of course, what’s really happening is that Tyler’s making soap from liposuctioned fat and lye, so all the small-business whimsy of the business card is a very, very necessary—and successful—front.
Mirage, The Incredibles (2004)
Mr. Incredible is deeply bored of his mundane post-superheroics life, but even though getting him to pursue vigilantism and take down a rogue robot on a remote island is an easy sell, Mirage cares about aesthetics. The mysterious woman, secretly working on behalf of the supervillain Syndrome, gives Mr. Incredible a retro-future iPad that offers an overview of the assignment before popping out a business card with her name and a number. It’s not an ordinary card, though. There’s slick lenticular printing that makes her information appear and disappear (like a mirage!) depending on the angle you hold the card. That’s commitment, and this extra touch no doubt helps convince Mr. Incredible that he’s working with professionals. (A professional villain, sure, but a pro nonetheless.)
Kevin Gnapoor, Mean Girls (2004)
Source: Paramount Pictures
A good business card lets people know what you’re capable of, and if you’re multitalented, like Mean Girls‘ Kevin Gnapoor (Rajiv Surendra), your card should let everybody know. That’s why Kevin—who is not the only high schooler with a business card on this list—proudly states that he’s a “Math Enthusiast / Bad-Ass M.C.” Sure, the Plastics might not think Kevin’s the coolest kid at North Shore High, but he’s the one carrying paper that proclaims his impressive bonafides.
The Men In Black, Men In Black (1997)
The idea of a top-secret extra-governmental organization having business cards at all is kind of silly. Agents carry a device that wipes people’s memories so they forget about having ever encountered them—kind of the opposite of networking. Perhaps that’s why Agent K’s card in Men In Black is comically unhelpful, as it only says MiB and offers no other information. K (Tommy Lee Jones) does end up hand-writing an address on the card so that his prospective recruit, J (Will Smith), knows which nondescript building to come to for the test, so there’s some level of practicality.
Doctor A. Heller, Mystery Men (1999)
Source: Universal Pictures
Doctor A. Heller’s business card in this late-’90s superhero spoof describes him as a “weapons designer, innovator, inventor, [and] world changer.” The services he offers are “aromatherapy, laser hair removal, carnival rides, [and] chicken rentals,” plus the implied weapon-designing. (All non-lethal!) A lot is going on on this card, which might be a tad over-stuffed, but not every business card needs to be sleek and clean. This card makes it known that Heller (Tom Waits) is a hustler of many talents.
Danny Ocean, Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
Source: Warner Bros.
In addition to being devilishly handsome, George Clooney’s title character in Ocean’s Eleven has something else in common with Bedazzled‘s infernal antagonist. When Danny Ocean is in Chicago to recruit an 11th man for the Vegas heist, he reverse-pickpockets Linus (Matt Damon), slipping a business card that only sports the printed words “Daniel Ocean.” Danny, who had been observing Linus’ quick hands earlier, writes “Nice pull!” and the name of a pub where Linus can find him on the back of the card. One wonders about the usual utility of a card that only has your name and no other info on it, but then again it is very slick and very cool—kind of Ocean’s Eleven‘s whole vibe.
Paprika, Paprika (2006)
Paprika’s business card in Satoshi Kon’s final film directly segues into one of the most innovative and exciting opening sequences in all of anime as Paprika flits in and out of reality as she crosses Tokyo in a way that only animation can pull off. But, even if looking at Paprika’s card doesn’t kick off a mind-blowing trip, it’s still a nice card. A web address, a name, and a kiss, a mixture of restrained simplicity and emotion that matches Dr. Atsuko Chiba and Paprika, the alter-ego she adopts when moonlighting as a dream therapist.
The Kims, Parasite (2019)
Source: Neon
A professional-looking business card makes people believe you’re the real deal—and that’s important when you are a total fraud. In Shattered Glass, for instance, the fabulist Stephen Glass (Hayden Christensen) attempts to cover his tracks by making a business card for the made-up Joe Hiert (“Super-Agent to Super-Nerds”) and it is not at all convincing. Meanwhile, Parasite‘s Ki-jung (Park So-dam) puts a lot of work into the forged documents she makes to help convince the rich Park family to hire the Kims. When Park Dong-ik (Lee Sun-kyun) sees the card Ki-jung made for her mom’s faux housekeeping company, he instantly buys it, assuming his future hire is “high class” based on the look of the card alone. That’s how it’s done.
Max Fischer, Rushmore (1998)
Source: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution
Max Fischer (Jason Schwartzman) has a very different idea of himself than your typical high school student, so it stands to reason that he would have something his classmates lack: a business card. Despite being DIY, his card looks pretty official, sporting the Rushmore Academy’s seal, his name, and his telephone extension. And yet, there’s still something slightly childish about it, which is fitting given that the card’s holder is a kid who wants to present as grown up.
The Fairy Godmother, Shrek 2 (2004)
The Fairy Godmother (Jennifer Saunders) in Shrek 2 knows the magic of a good business card. While trying to woo Fiona (Cameron Diaz) into using her services (with the ulterior motive of breaking up her marriage with Shrek so that the Fairy Godmother will be able to rule the kingdom through her son, Prince Charming), she attempts to give Fiona her card. It’s got a flattering image of herself with the message “happiness is just a teardrop away,” which in this magical fantasy land is basically the same thing as a phone number.
Mark Zuckerberg, The Social Network (2010)
If American Psycho‘s business card scene was about the anodyne ambition and egos of Wall Street bros, it’s only fitting that their fellow scourges of the Earth, tech bros, get a business card movie moment of their own. When Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) is chatting with Napster founder Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake), Sean tells him a story about how he should aim to be in charge of the company he created so he can tell the so-called “adults” off by handing them a business card that says “I’m CEO, bitch.” Later, the audience sees that Zuck went ahead and actually made a business card saying just that. Perhaps more than any card on this list, it’s The Social Network‘s that would have Patrick Bateman sweating.