The ever hungry, bottomless pit of dissatisfaction that controls the levers of power of the United States of America has added his name to another building. After demolishing the White House’s east wing (before unsurprisingly firing his contractor who worried the ballroom might be too big) and adding tasteful retirement home signage so he wouldn’t forget which office is the Oval Office (it’s the oval one, sir), President Donald J. Trump has had his name added to the exterior of the Kennedy Center. The building, which until recently celebrated the proud artistic and cultural history of the United States, shall henceforth be known as the elegantly titled “The Donald J. Trump and The John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts.” For now, the change is only superficial and likely temporary (assuming the rule of law ever makes a comeback). The rest of the Kennedy Center branding doesn’t reflect this very necessary update. Still, as with all titans of industry, it’s critical to begin memorializing our great builders while they’re still alive.
Yesterday, Press Secretary Karoline Levitt X’d that the “highly respected Board of the Kennedy Center, some of the most successful people from all parts of the world,” voted “unanimously” to rename the building because of the “unbelievable work” Dear Leader has done toward “saving the building.” She continues, “Congratulations to President Trump, and likewise, congratulations, President Kennedy, because this will be a truly great team long into the future.” We would also like to extend our congratulations to the late JFK, who would’ve loved that board member and Ohio Representative Joyce Beatty was “muted on the call and denied the opportunity to speak or register my opposition” regarding the rebrand.
Unsurprisingly for Trump’s Make-A-Wish presidency, the name change is likely illegal, according to legal experts. Speaking to CNN, Georgetown Law professor David Super argues, “There is absolutely no way they can do this legally.” Yet because most of the country’s leaders are willing to let this guy walk all over them, neither he nor “the administration is not concerning itself with laws unless it has a realistic prospect of getting sued.”
Earlier this year, Trump claimed that he had been “unanimously” elected Kennedy Center Chairman. After numerous artists, including Ben Folds and Shonda Rhimes, stepped down from their duties during the Trump takeover, the president began indulging his tastes for whatever was popular on Broadway during the best years of his life, roughly 1984 through 1992. Earlier this month, he honored the surviving Madame Tussauds wax figures of KISS for the Kennedy Center Honours. Rest assured that the hallowed halls of the memorial to slain President John F. Kennedy are well cared for.
