MW: Because I’m trying to think of who I could play.
AVC: You just want to star in a biopic?
MW: I just want to star in any biopic. I want to completely lose myself, immerse myself, and forget myself in somebody else.
AVC: What about a biopic makes that possible versus a fictional character?
MW: I think I would enjoy the challenge. I can do impressions. I think it would be kind of fun to take someone who had a big, grand life and really study them, take on their mannerisms and vocal cadences, and give them a point of view that I believe is their point of view and bring them back to life and tell their story.
AVC: Have you ever had the chance to do an impression as an expanded performance?
MW: No.
AVC: Is Nancy Pelosi a person you’ve always wanted to play?
MW: Absolutely not. I just think I could probably do it. I could probably do, uh, what’s that asshole’s name? Kellyanne Conway. I don’t find her someone whose skin I want to live in. But I do love to play terrible people, and I think it could be fun to play a total sellout and figure out why. Wow, I really just let you have it. My political swing.
AVC: Not at all. I’d love to see you play Nancy Pelosi or Kellyanne Conway. Maybe in the same movie, who knows?
MW: It’s just so funny, because for men, I can name a million men who are my age that I could play if I were a man. But with women, we don’t really laud their careers. The bulk of their careers are when they’re quite young. I’d love to do Gilda Radner, but she died young, and those female careers aren’t really lauded in the same way as an aged person.
3. What discontinued food or beverage item would you like to see brought back?
MW: I want the original recipe Ho Hos and Twinkies. Not this whatever-the-hell-it-is-right-now that is going to survive a nuclear holocaust. I want the original. Not corn syrup, but actual sugar. Twinkies, Ho Hos, Hostess CupCakes.
AVC: In the last decade, I’ve seen a lot of gourmet, homemade versions of these snacks. Do you enjoy those?
MW: Yeah, there’s this company called Cake Monkey that I imbibe. Good old-fashioned wheat that hasn’t been sprayed by RoundUp [which] has made so many people gluten intolerant and gluten sick. I would just like good old wheat, like Nana used to make.
4. Who was your first pop-culture crush?
MW: Elliott from E.T. and Gordie from Stand By Me. I guess it was Luke Skywalker, probably. But, man, I had it so bad for Michael Jackson. That went sideways. Sometimes I don’t know if my crushes were because my friends told me someone was hot. Like, I didn’t think anyone in Duran Duran was all that hot. I really didn’t. And everybody really loved River Phoenix, but I liked Gordie. Wil Wheaton. I like the skinny, goofy brunettes. Those were my big ones. I just didn’t go for Duran Duran.
AVC: Not even Simon?
MW: I know. Wasn’t for me. I kind of had a crush on The Mighty Isis. Isis was a superhero woman. It’s confusing when you’re little. You’re like, “Do I love her, or do I want to be her?” Because I did turn out straight, but I probably did have a crush on her. I thought she was the most beautiful. She had this crystal around her neck or in her third eye. It would ignite, and she would see dragons, elephants, and herds of lions.
AVC: From The Secrets Of Isis? This was around the same time as Wonder Woman.
MW: Exactly. It was Wonder Woman, Six Million Dollar Man, Bionic Woman. They were all hanging out together. Oh, and I liked Jack Tripper from Three’s Company. That was a big one for me.
5. What would you consider your biggest pop culture blind spot?
MW: Everything. Sometimes I open Instagram and see what’s trending or whatever, and it’s like, “Jigsaw Puzzle and Pizza Marinara broke up.” What? They did!?
AVC: Is there a blindspot you’d like to explore?
MW: There’s a lot of interesting things happening with female rappers who get in hot water. There’s something very beautifully empowering about that, and I wish that I followed their stories a little more because I haven’t. I would have debates with my friends about “W.A.P.,” and I was all for it. My friends were like, “My word!” particularly a lot of men. But I had their back.
6. When were you the most starstruck, and by whom?
MW: I was at Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ house, and she introduced me to Carol Burnett. I walked over, and I just went speechless, weak in the knees, and had to walk away. Later, Julia said, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
AVC: Have you met her since, or is that the only impression you’ve left?
MW: No, I think “left” is a kind word. I don’t think I left anything. I think she was like, “That was weird.”
The other one: I used to wait tables, and when I moved to L.A., I worked at a place in Brentwood where everybody who was anybody came to eat. And I waited on George Harrison one time, and that was a Beatle. That was a Beatle. I served food to a Beatle. I had to ask what kind of dressing he wanted.
AVC: Do you remember what he ordered?
MW: I think I blacked out.
7. What piece of advice that you received coming up in the industry would you say is no longer applicable to new artists?
MW: Sending postcards. When I was coming up in the business, if you had two lines on a procedural, you would take your hard-earned money that you barely had and print up postcards with your headshot and the name of your agent, and pay for postage or drop them off everywhere. Then, use the bulk of them as scratch paper for about a decade afterward.
8. Who’s someone new in your field that everyone should be paying attention to?
MW: [Suze co-star] Charlie Gillespie, he is going to go very far. He is amazing. He is absolutely amazing. He’s very big in Canada, but nobody in the U.S. knows who he is.
AVC: He’s fantastic in Suze. Does he do all the singing and piano and guitar playing?
MW: Yeah, he’s so dynamic.
9. What’s your biggest travel pet peeve?
MW: People who are rude on airplanes, like coughing without covering their mouths. Oh! Hands down: Watching your phone without headphones. What are you thinking?
AVC: Since FaceTime became more socially acceptable in public, no one bothers with headphones anymore.
MW: It’s not acceptable. Especially for my hearing, I can’t block it out. Maybe it’s just my acute ADHD, but I’m just like, “How dare you?” It is getting weirder and weirder to say, [mocking] “Would you mind putting on headphones?” Okay, Karen.
10. Who was the last person you FaceTimed?
MW: My friend Natalie Morales. I’m not name-dropping, but I’m in love with her dog, so that requires video.
AVC: Not to name-drop, but what’s her dog’s name?
MW: Taco.
AVC: Are you a dog person?
MW: Massively. In fact, it’s because of Taco that I got my dog, Jeff, and because of Jeff that I got my other dog, Wuzzabear. They’re right here. Her dog is small, and my dogs are big, and one of them has a rap sheet, which is problematic.
AVC: What kind of dogs are they?
MW: I have a half-pit/Schnauzer-type thing. I always say, “He’s a man a witch put a spell on and turned into a dog.” Wuzzabear is a husky/shepherd/cattle dog mix. She’s beautiful, and she’s a dizzy, dizzy bitch.
11. What is your earliest memory?
MW: Screaming because I couldn’t push the button on the elevator of our apartment.
AVC: How old were you?
MW: Two or three.
AVC: Is that memory still available to you? You answered very quickly.
MW: Yeah, apparently that was a real thing. If somebody pushed the button for our floor before I could, I would have a mental breakdown. [Laughs] And no, I don’t touch any elevator buttons anymore.
Without knowing who the next person we speak to is, what would you like to ask them?
MW: “What toy or collectible you had as a kid would you put in your “go bag,” if you had to pack up and run?” I say that as I’m literally looking at my Star Wars action figures.
AVC: I didn’t realize you were such a Star Wars fan.
MW: When I was a kid, it was my everything.
AVC: How are you feeling about Star Wars these days?
MW: I watched one that was like a prequel after the trio, and I was like, “I’m out.”
