With the Internet expanding the options of comic-strip devotees, the clutter on actual newspaper funny-pages has become increasingly difficult to excuse. As a service to busy readers, The Onion A.V. Club put some panels under a magnifying glass to determine which comics are likely to increase in value over the years, and which are just landfill-padding.
Family Circus (by Bil & Jeff Keane)
Pros: Billy still performs the occasional Sunday dotted-line jaunt around his neighborhood, providing an occasion for good architectural draftsmanship.
Cons: Several times a month, gags rely on Dolly or Jeffy mispronouncing a word—the comics equivalent of spraying a seltzer bottle in someone's face.
Other Notable Qualities: When Keane puts one half of a conversation in a speech balloon and the other in the caption, the perplexing result could charitably be seen as an experimental hybrid form of sequential storytelling in a one-panel format.
Hoard Or Scrap? Scrap and sell tickets; many comics fans would happily pay to see all the characters die and join Grandpa as angels in sandals, flour sacks, and rope belts.
Gil Thorp (by Frank McLaughlin & Jerry Jenkins)
Pros: The fastest-moving soap-opera strip in the business takes coach Gil Thorp through football, baseball, and basketball seasons at Milford High School every calendar year.
Cons: A '50s sensibility doesn't always jibe with "modern" sports storylines (e.g., steroids). Also, Thorp's nemesis Marty Moon should shave his devilish goatee.
Other Notable Qualities: Providing a touch of realism in the world of sports fiction, Milford doesn't always win, and sometimes doesn't even make the "play-downs."
Hoard Or Scrap? Stash each gloriously hokey episode away in a specially prepared scrapbook. After three artists and two writers, who knows how long they can make the magic last?
Hagar The Horrible (by Chris Browne)
Pros: Keeps one of the many progeny of the Mort Walker/Dik Browne creative axis employed; also reminds comics readers of the particulars of the Viking era, like the fact that they wore horned hats.
Cons: Gags about marital spats and overeating? Not exactly Wagnerian.
Other Notable Qualities: The younger Browne doesn't do continuous stories, but Hagar's occasional appearance in a dungeon or on a desert island suggests that the strip could be read as one long, 21 Grams-like fractured narrative.
Hoard Or Scrap? Even as a narrative jigsaw puzzle, Hagar is none too entertaining. Scrap, then send Chris Browne over to help his brother on Hi And Lois.
Mallard Fillmore (by Bruce Tinsley)
Pros: Expressive cartooning and a clear point of view; occasionally ignores Republican National Committee talking points long enough to offer an original opinion.
Cons: Most weeks, Tinsley sets up a liberal straw man on Monday and spends the rest of the week ripping it apart, without varying his attack.
Other Notable Qualities: Tinsley claims to have started Mallard Fillmore to give a voice to the common man, but aside from Mallard himself, everyone in the strip is a shallow boob.
Hoard Or Scrap? Tinsley's weird mix of insecurity, smugness, and contempt makes his strip too sour to be consistently relevant. Scrap, and replace with a right-wing strip with actual characters and the confidence to engage issues fairly.
The Boondocks (by Aaron McGruder)
Pros: One of the few strips on the comics page with any concept of cultural relevance; actually makes outrage funny.
Cons: What began as a diverse cast of characters has pretty much shrunk to Huey, his best friend Caesar, and their daily rants. Without storylines and opposing voices, The Boondocks runs the risk of becoming a left-wing Mallard Fillmore.
Other Notable Qualities: McGruder has yet to do a strip about golf.
Hoard Or Scrap? Hoard. If nothing else, a complete Boondocks collection will one day provide a record of what happened at the beginning of the 21st century.
Big Top (by Rob Harrell)
Pros: Cute drawings of circus animals, each of which has a distinctive character; Harrell possesses a classicist's sense of comic timing.
Cons: Much of that comic timing has been copied from Bloom County. Funny animals aren't exactly fresh.
Other Notable Qualities: Harrell knows how to maximize the contrast between his enormous bears and lions and his scrawny clowns and poodles, using panel space as well as any rowdy comics-page humorist since, yes, Berke Breathed.
Hoard Or Scrap? Hoard. This one's a grower, and Winkles The Bear is the second-cuddliest doofus on the comics page, after Get Fuzzy's Satchel.
Frazz (by Jef Mallett)
Pros: An up-and-comer modeled on Calvin And Hobbes, Frazz features a twentysomething school janitor interacting with elementary-school kids, all drawn with thickish, rounded, cartoony strokes.
Cons: Gags about mean old-maid teachers should have gone out with "Mrs. Peach."
Other Notable Qualities: Like Get Fuzzy, Frazz understands that a composition where the head of a short character barely pokes into the bottom of the panel is inherently funny.
Hoard Or Scrap? Mallett doesn't have Bill Watterson's intuitive sense of the philosophical, but he paces four-panel gags like a young Charles Schulz. Get in on the ground floor.
