Friday’s Amber Ruffin Show saw host Amber Ruffin (for ’tis her show) sending out a hearty thank you to those brave people who have worked tirelessly to expose the white supremacist dipshits who attempted a yokels’ coup at the behest of a fatuous fraud of a U.S. president. No, not law enforcement, as Ruffin outlined the combination of shadily sympathetic and laissez-faire approaches to monitoring and preventing white supremacist terrorism in the last decade. Instead, Ruffin’s high-five went to America’s battalion of “ex-girlfriends, catfishes, and Bumble bitches” who have decided that horny dudes bragging about overthrowing democracy on behalf of the former host of Celebrity Apprentice is worth a call to the FBI. (Ruffin also—in a segment called “That’s What Yo Ass Gets!”—took time to show what happens to the dumb asses of the likes of Trump-accomplice Rudy Giuliani and Louisiana Republican and guy who thought stepping to Stacey Abrams was a great idea, John Kennedy, when they fuck around and find out.)
Noting how one woman screen-shotted a seditious lothario’s humblebrag about committing a raft of federal crimes has led to the arrest and pending federal trial of one Robert Chapman, Ruffin gave it up to “white women using their super power of tattling for good” for a change. Ruffin did express some gentle tough love at these online dating do-gooders, noting that the initial right-swipe on Chapman to initiate the conversation was based on a profile picture that made the saggily side-burned seditionist look like “Wolverine just gave up.” Still, ma’am, we join Ruffin in praising your eventual good judgement and stalwart patriotism, wherever you are. Mr. Right is out there.
But it wasn’t all fun and bigot-schadenfreude, as Ruffin continued to delve into the January 6 assault on the foundations of our nation by a mob of traitorous white goobers in another of her educationally humorous “How Did We Get Here?” segments about the event. Naming members of the ever hilariously named “Proud Boys” (who, she noted sound like widdle guys who just learned to poop in the potty) like notorious protester-punchers Joseph Biggs and Ethan Nordean, Ruffin reported how both were spotted in the recent past beating Black Lives Matter protesters by police—who did nothing. (Cleveland Police eventually had to cough up a quarter-million dollars for lying about Biggs’ assault in order to frame the beaten protester, all too predictably.)
And those are just two cosplaying stormtroopers. As Ruffin helpfully reminded us, the federal government (once on high alert for white supremacist, right-wing domestic terrorism after Timothy McVeigh blew up an entire federal building) sort of de-prioritized such monitoring after Republicans and Fox News whined that they themselves were being targeted under President Obama. Suggesting that getting offended and sweaty when law enforcement starts cracking down on white supremacy is sort of telling on yourself, Ruffin addressed Fox and friends by scolding, “Sweetie, nobody said your name but you.”
Ruffin also dunned Obama for capitulating to Republicans’ not-all-white-people pressure and disbanding the unit charged with pursuing white supremacist threats, and the subsequent Trump administration for just taking the hood off entirely and demanding “But what about Antifa, though!” while Trump himself used the office of the presidency to coddle, excuse, and eventually mobilize white supremacist MAGA goons to try to turn America into an ethno nationalist police state (Again, led by the former host of Celebrity Apprentice.) Thankfully, as Ruffin concluded, men are constitutionally incapable of concealing their seditious crimes when trolling the internet for chicks. So here’s to you, America’s brave single women—keep swiping left on white supremacist terrorists. Or, better yet, swipe right, get the proof, and then dial the FBI.