Breaking Bad is… it’s… it’s… it’s [Uncontrollable sobbing.]

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Sunday, September 29. All times are Eastern.

TOP PICK

Breaking Bad (AMC, 9 p.m.): No. No no no no no. It’s just… it’s just… it’s just that… it’s just that—the finale? Already? It’s not fair. IT’S NOT FAIR! Yeah, sure, Better Call Saul and Need For Speed and The Michael J. Fox Show, but but but but but but but… why now? Why tonight? Why not next week? Or, like, next year? It’s just… It’s just… [Deep sigh.] Donna Bowman?

REGULAR COVERAGE

Once Upon A Time (ABC, 8 p.m.): Cold comfort: The night that rips Breaking Bad out of our hazmat-suited fingers is also the biggest night of the fall TV season. Gwen Inhat begins her Once Upon A Time tenure in Neverland, where TV shows never have to grow up and disappear from our lives forever.

The Simpsons (Fox, 8 p.m.): In a nod to the other big event of the night, Homer ends up under the watchful eye of the FBI. Then again, he’s been under the watchful eye of people like Dennis Perkins for more than 25 years, so there’s too much of an adjustment to be made.

Bob’s Burgers (Fox, 8:30 p.m.): Dear wilderness: In this time of great TV strife, when a show will leave you no matter how much passion and/or digital ink you’ve spilled for it, please do not eat the Belchers. We all (Pilot Viruet especially) need them now more than ever.

Revenge (ABC, 9 p.m.): Carrie Raisler seeks retribution for this show’s disappointing second season. No matter what happens, no matter what obstacles she encounters, she will have her day in the sun. She will have her… REEEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENGE!

The Good Wife (CBS, 9 p.m.): Doors close, doors open, the person Alicia’s been waiting for in her apartment since May turns out not to be the one everyone was expecting. Unless there’s some sudden reversal from the season-four finale in this premiere, in which case David Sims may have to take his own form of legal action. (David Sims’ own form of legal action is largely Twitter-based.)

Family Guy (Fox, 9 p.m.): Somehow, the episode in which Peter kicks off a town-wide treasure hunt is not titled “It’s a Mac, Mac, Mac, MacFarlane World.” Having already sat through Peter’s version of “Shipoopi,” Eric Thurm hopes tonight’s episode is not an occasion for more Buddy Hackett schtick from the Griffin patriarch.

Boardwalk Empire (HBO, 9 p.m.): So Boardwalk Empire’s “All In” is going to be just like New Girl’s “All In,” right? Like it’s going to be a full hour of Van Alden working on a puzzle or something? Genevieve’s Valentine’s jangled nerves could really use something along those lines.

Homeland (Showtime, 9 p.m.): After the disastrous events of the second season (as in the back half of the season itself, not necessarily the events of those episodes), the CIA hits the comeback trail. Having seen a pair of third-season episodes, Sonia Saraiya thinks the agency (and Homeland) can handle it; Todd VanDerWerff will dig deeper into the premiere for further evidence of a comeback.

American Dad (Fox, 9:30 p.m.): The 20th anniversary of Jurassic Park brought with it an unnecessary 3-D conversion and renewed talk of a third sequel, so it may be up to the advanced cloning techniques of this American Dad episode to salvage the whole of 2013. Kevin McFarland has faith the show will, uh, find a way.

Eastbound & Down (HBO, 10 p.m.): The final bow of a great TV bastard, Walter White, coincides with the start of the final act for another TV bastard, Kenny Powers. Scott Von Doviak stands by with a bouquet of roses for both of these loathsome characters—because they deserve them.

Masters Of Sex (Showtime, 10 p.m.): Teaming up to perform their own empirical study, Todd VanDerWerff and Sonia Saraiya have proposed the hypothesis “Is Masters Of Sex the best new show of the fall?” Read on for the results (and don’t let this promising-but-flawed pilot get lost in the shuffle of an insanely busy night.)

Hello Ladies (HBO, 10:30 p.m.): In dating as well as TV programming, first impressions are everything. Erik Adams’ first impression of Stephen Merchant’s singles-scene comedy is hesitant, but perhaps it’ll have better luck with Molly Eichel.

Low Winter Sun (AMC, 11 p.m.): With the announcement of his own Michigan-set cop series, Battle Creek, Vince Gilligan once more brings you a show after which you won’t need to watch Low Winter Sun. Though Dennis Perkins would sure be happy if you did anyway.

TV CLUB CLASSIC

Saturday Night Live (Classic) (1 p.m.): Following a tongue-in-cheek plea from Lorne Michaels, Phil Dyess-Nugent reviews the Raquel Welch episode of SNL’s first season, in exchange for a certified check for $3,000.

The Simpsons (Classic) (3 p.m.): Since it’s early September, Erik Adams is following Homer’s example and betting big on pumpkin futures—followed by turkey futures and pine-tree futures, the profits from which he’ll dump into a major investment in seasonal affective disorder.

WHAT ELSE IS ON?

The Doctors Revisited: The Ninth Doctor (BBC America, 8 p.m.): The BBC’s chronological Doctor Who retrospective reaches the show’s modern era, with this look back at Christopher Eccleston’s brief time at the helm of the TARDIS. This is also a rebroadcast of Eccleston’s last two episodes in the role, so Breaking Bad won’t be the only thing you have to let go of tonight.

The Amazing Race (CBS, 8 p.m.): This season on The Amazing Race: Contestants scramble to find the Emmy that was swiped by The Voice last Sunday.

Making Monsters (Travel, 8 p.m.): Your Pee-wee’s Big Adventure-loving What’s On Tonight? correspondent would say that the stars of Making Monsters don’t make monsters, they just train ’em—but the stars do make monsters, and in this season premiere, they’re constructing a giant zombie head.

Betrayal (ABC, 10 p.m.): The A.V. Club’s Carrie Raisler says Betrayal “feels like the least essential” new show of the season—which is too bad, because the Chicago TV industry could really use a show to pin its hopes to in addition to the various municipal-services dramas being cranked out by the Dick Wolf factory.

30 Minutes Or Less (FXX, 7 p.m.): It’s Danny McBride night, in which McBride’s signature baseball-playing asshole returns to the air after a broadcast of this film, in which he plays a bank-robbing asshole. Only one of these characters has strapped explosives to Jesse Eisenberg, and it’s kind of surprising it’s not Kenny Powers.

Scarface (IFC, 8 p.m.): As Vince Gilligan completes the act of transforming Mr. Chips into Scarface, Brian De Palma, Oliver Stone, and Al Pacino will be over here, taking Scarface and making him into Scarface.

MLS Soccer: Seattle vs. New York (ESPN, 9 p.m.): Baseball season is ending today? You don’t say.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Saturday Night Live (Saturday): Tina Fey returned to her old sketch-comedy stomping grounds, which is doubly poignant what with 30 Rock ending at the beginning of 2013. As if David Sims needed another reason to tear up today.