When People magazine named Blake Shelton their 2017 Sexiest Man Alive this week, the public responded with varying degrees of anger, disgust, and, as we did, total indifference. But, while Twitter was busy repeatedly dunking on the average-looking country singer, the true sexiest man alive was waiting in the wings, polishing his irresistible bald head and perfecting his playful smirk. But he has been waiting long enough. It’s time that we, as an international community of sexiness appreciators, acknowledge Sir Patrick Stewart as the true sexiest man alive.
“Gentlemen, come at me when you are THIS sexy,” said Stewart in response to fellow MCU-adjacent celebrities Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds. Apparently, the sexiness debate began when Jackman, People’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2008, reached out to Blake Shelton, advising him to skip the part where he pretends to be humble and just “milk the sexy status for ALL it’s worth.” Never missing a chance to take a jab at the Logan star, Ryan Reynolds, 2010’s Sexiest Man Alive, butted in to point out the unavoidable truth of the matter.